Hopeful. Reflections, Paul’s Pre-K, Week 4.

We didn’t squeak in a whole lot of school this week, actually that it was Elizabeth’s first week of summer vacation took some getting used to.  It has thrown off scheduling because we can do bath’s at any time that I am not working and adjusting to what time I have to leave in the morning to get to work with less stops has thrown me for a loop.  Also, and this has been true for my entire life, some weeks I’m just more tired than others.  There are times that I am more pensive and just want to be alone to write and think.  There are other times when I am super energized too.  I’m not bipolar, just introverted and conscious of my body and feelings.

The overall theme I have felt from this week is that I am trying to decide what to do with myself.  I am just not content in my job, or even this life-style of working out of the home for 40 hours a week.  I also feel that there are talents and passions that I possess that could be used in ways other than they are now.  I have schemed multiple times to go back to school since I started this job and I am now looking into an online graduate program that will be quite economical because I am a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer.  But though I spend part of every day when I am at work wishing I was some place else doing other things, I feel a responsibility to my patients and my team – and this holds me back.  Time is the other big issue.

There is an urging in my heart that says to do it now though.  “Now is the time,” it whispers.  So I went ahead and applied.  What  I would like to do is leave my job slowly, what they would call a soft release if it was the release of an animal back into the wild.  I would like to drop down to 32 hours when the program begins in the fall and then slowly drop more and more days over time, letting them find a replacement for my position and just working as a floater between sites before I possibly go per diem or leave for good.  This will give me stable income while I move into self-employment and also allow me to full-fill these whisperings of my heart.

There are a lot of mushrooms up right now from all the rain

The program I want to go into is for communications in environmental sciences and I would like to eventually make  a living as a freelance writer.  From the research I have done, now is a good time to be in the field, I am just lacking the confidence of experience.  I also have two children I have to feed.  I feel going through the master’s program will give me the confidence I am looking to gain.

The hope remains that I would also be able to homeschool again.  I would like to be able to take the kids with me when I travel so that they can experience the world.  Honestly, all the arguments for public school go out the window when I entertain the idea of having the whole world as their classroom.  What an amazing life it would be if they could learn about how different cultures live, how people in different economic classes live, about different ecosystems by experiencing them, different languages, different foods, and immerse themselves in life on Planet Earth.  It’s my hope.  To make a living writing would be good enough, but to be able to meet multiple goals at once would be wonderful!

At times all has been dark, but hope has ever remained.  I have suffered, but I am hopeful.  Hope is so important in life.

Share your thoughts:  What is something that you need to address?  What does the little voice in your heart tell you when all is still?  I hope it is something hopeful.

These mushrooms come up from a spot where a tree was removed from the front yard years ago. I don’t know if they come from that or just happen to like the spot.


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